okie... abit late though but yeah... happie burthdae to singapore... its like having this huge celebration with pple that we dont realli know kinda nice though... but i like the songs the extravagance and the "holiday" mood. This could have been a lot better if there is some break-through from the mundane routine of "act 1, act 2 and act 3" could have been more spontaneous or even con-current for a change as a matter of fact. But it is like once in 5 yrs, that it is held in padang and i kinda like the idea of having the celebration brought around singapore into the heartland.

Subsequently, things turned towards a positive side of life... Its like so sudden that my accentuating depressing tots regresses into more positive and enlightening prespects. Given my current situation, i am trying to move towards a vivacious character, giving life a better and brighter meaning.

Guess that emotions are good training devices to build up character and personality. *It is only thru the storm that a navigator can truely find his directions.*

For now, i am taking things easy, helping people whenever i could, lending a helping hand, propagating a more extensive network of people. Hopefully, that will put me in good stead when i enter into the society.

Oh yeah... not to mention the constant build up of sophistication and knowledge thru self-learning, which i recently implemented upon myself to realli make good use of time when i have spare.

And seriously, i realli need my monthly dosage of retail therapy and more reality TV shows... GOSH... cant wait for the next epi of The America's Next Top Model... prob even The Apprentice... hehe... guess i am realli transforming into a TV junkie and i gotta finish my harry potter... anticipation as the story unfolds...

Apparently, i seemed detached from civil society and prob even from humanity. I wonder if i still can relate to people... do the people-to-people thingy. Its still fresh in my memory that i like to help pple all ard me... like helping friends opening up, shring their thots and worries, helping people realise potentials that slumbers within them (think on the surface, cos i am not ghandi nor thereasa). Gosh... i am totally sensitive to even the smallest things... and i realli have this 错败感 that is clinging on to me like some parasite. I have no reason to blame IT but it is still partly due to my wadeva is it that is causing it that caused it... yeah wadeva

Everyday, as i traipsed towards the metallic facade of an intimidating enclosure, i am always overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions. It is always battling within me to determine who is the ultimate victor - the urge to complete my responsibilities and return to my abode, or to really spend quality time within my responsibilities to learn and enjoy the company of friends. As i passed the security check point, flashing my identity card to certify my presence, it would usually lead me on down the meandering path towards my shabby work ground. It is usually a twist of fate and the works of the grandfather clock to determine whether i walk or enjoy the journey in the comfort of the bus.
Upon arrival, its always the cliched regimental regimes and rules to adhere to, which completes a routinal morning schedule bridging towards the start of work. Usually, after a simple ceremonial presence-indicating session, it would be heads back to the office for all of us, where a multitude of work awaits. Everyday, there is a ever-changing course of tasks for everyone to perform, giving their level best to satisfy the minimum criteria to at least secure themselves a safe environment. As for me, its always vacilating between being the good old me, or the baddy me (not criminally, or evil, or sinisterly bad. Just the rather unapproachable me), as work doesn't realli pressurizes me a lot, but rather the inter-personnel agenda that is.

the chronicle continues...

Had some insights on some matters of sophistication and social status... and i would like to highlite a point of enunciation of the word 'A' and not otherwise...

Gosh... i jux came to realise that i am plan stupid... i am totally being hurt incessantly, bleeding profusely and cowering melancholy alone... and who is the perpetrator?... that would be the idiosyncratic... Me! of cos it takes two hands to clap... so yea there is another party... haiz... but i have awoken (i think)... hoping fervently for time to heal my wounds... is there medication to lighten my pain? is there a doctor to treat my condition? is there anyone out there?

Hmm.. nuthing much realli... jux mundane normal life, which is in serious need of spices!! lol... sound as if i dont have a life... but i have a partial one, which is in the process of obliteration... gotta find a source of power strong enuf to pull thru this..

was pondering upon many issues which dawned on me when i was rather free... yeah free... which equals to lots of time to day dream... The balance of this world is actually maintained by this perpectuating duality that exist independently as a counteracting phenomenum.. there is always peopl being happy :) and others being sad :( ... there is the matter of life and death... there is the endless battle betweem good and evil... so many to name... have u ever wondered that when u r actualli enjoying and sharing happiness with someone else... there is another party that i feelin left out and feelin sad?.. when there is a baby born somewhere... there is also a deceased somewhere else... that is the hurtful truth but an inevitable one... wow sounds philosophical but yeah.. its jux me plain rattling away... expressing my view... but it makes sense though... hehe haha... okie dokie... miss u all out there and hope to see ya soonz...

Yeap!!... its a half day today for most of my fellow office-mateys and friends (cos i refuse to regard them as collegues)... while i have to attend my medical appt @ TTSH... so i made my way there at around 12+ stopping by bishan to do some shopping and finally arriving at almost 2... wonderful and i tot the clinic would serve on a first come first serve basis and i cld get everything over and done with ignoring the fact that my appt is at 350pm... however... time seems to literally CRAWL... or even wriggle like some worm without any legs at ALL... i totally waited for like easily 2hrs b4 its my turn to see the doc... like damn it... i have exhausted all ways and means to keep myself occupied and optimistic that i can return to my abode early... but the call for my turn finally at around 4, dashed all hopes. Wats worse was that i was jux plainly flustered that i kept fumbling upon stuffs. The whole situation reached its pinnacle of embarassement when i walked into the room with one resident doc and 2 interns... firstly i was like carrying so much stuff on my hand that i kinda like dragged everything into the room and sprawl them all over the floor... when i wanted to like stack them neatly into one corner... the doc demanded me to sit over to the other side leaving all my stuff laying forlornly on the floor... wats worse is the my whole bag went under the doc's desk and i kinda like groped his legs while i felt for my bag *god! that is juz so embarassing*.. and that 2 interns seem to be enjoying themselves... watching my fumble... YICKS!

It was more or less the same case when i was in the MRT too... cos i mistaken the approaching train to be my train and i kinda rushed down looking terribly misplaced and disposed of all image only to find out that i made a mistake... lucky for me its finally the journey home where i can juz simply throw everything in one corner... yupz *which i literally did*

Baked 2 cheesecakes.. one for friends and the other for family... cooking is still a good way to de-stress even though its hardwork... hehe... did some reading and missed CSI *yucks* but it was for a good cause... as i was watching CHARMED... hehe

anyway recently there has been a great hoo-ha abt the talent search show on TV, leeching off viewers' attention in order to crown the next promising super star... and pple have been commenting greatly on this event and i shld do mine...
Firstly : IT SUX TOTALLY... its juz another gimmick to be one-time famous
Secondly: IT STILL SUCK... the participants there are jux visual prostitutes for viewers to rape
them optically... leaving mangled flesh and tattered image... GRUESOME!!!

Its jux another day... thats all i can lament about... nuthin special or especially exciting.. the only thing i can presumably conclude is that "arrows" around the office are getting much more aggressive...

trying to improve myself with new knowledge and information... think i am realli on into it... prob getting to enroll myself in some class or another...

okie... firstly i muz apologize to the excos... so sorrie.. i had something on that i so last minute... yupz sorrie.. absolutely apologetic!

Watched War of the Worlds already and it was totally awesome... like absolutely great... but it was a bit disappointing at the end... everything was so perfect... the plot, the develoment... it kept me on the edge of my seat (literally)... i grabbed on to everything.. i mean its so in suspense that i was kinda like on tenderhooks... haha but it was a great movie... and spielberg is jux damn awesome... he reflected the selfish aspect of man-kind... the i-would-kill-u-to-save-my-skin kinda philsophy in mankind... the basic need/instinct to survive will supercede all social concerns and the so-called norms which evidently are the dwindling ethics that is left... there was plot and visual effects... so its 4 popcorns out of 5... the deduction was due to the abrupt ending to which how the aliens died and how reunion happened... it was lame so to speak, cos its like thruout the show the aliens were to perfect to be defeated... but in the end they were defeated by the very essence that made us.. its like too sudden... but still it is excellent!!

went to another movie today which was Initial D, i was quite skeptical abt that show at first cos i tot it would be some himbo show flauting all the hot idols that participated in the show... it turned out otherwise... its unlike amercan movies... its style is very asian... but at least it is captivating.. all the cool maneuvers and speed lashing bends... all the action, the danger... it was awesome... definitely nice... however there seem to be some parts that are irrelevant... like some narcissistic freak trying to be farny but turned the effects to be otherwise... and the girl who is supposedly to be jay's gf turned out to be some explicit social escort... its like *diaoz* lamo!!! but at least it is not cliched.. that's a saving grace!

Oh ya... went back to cat high for homecoming... it is totally GREAT!!!.. i mean all the memories and everything rushed back and it was absolutely overwhelmed... somethings changed and definitely a lot of improvements... i loved the sch and will still love it... its my ala mater... and all the students and teachers that i know... my god.. i realli loved that feeling and enjoyed myself there... OVERWHELMED!... like WOW!!! i am so gonna wan to teach there... haha relief teaching... yupz!

Gee... its like a wild morning today with everything running amuck, my hair, my clothes, chicken meat and even emotions... guess i can't handle so much things at a time... or prob i need a distraction from all these diversifications of problems and YUCKS! i hate that...

got ready for some parade for some day... i was quite reluctant to attend but apparently i ahve no choice unless i am on duty which i am not! The parade was quite short with a menagerie of berets displayed under the warm sunlight. It was alrite and we kinda left quite early after that... now i am back in my comfy office with the air-con blasting right at my face... *whew*...

Fingers crossed now... jux hope that i can get a half day off today from my superiors!!!

had a dinner treat from my superior today at sakae... it was more of like a farewell dinner for shaun and moses... and btw... good luck to both of you and take care... will be missin u lots!

went GIANT to grab some BBQ stuff.. den went home...

Hmmm... had realli tot abt a lot of things and juz got saddened by events that happened and passed by along the way... i mean i know that i am easily affected but... i have realli tried for the past week to suppress everything under a peaceful act... i dont feel good...esp after losing another two more gd friend from my office... its juz like sch where we have to part... but leaving is always so hard... now it seems like i am all alone.. its hard...

It was a good time for all of us i think, to sit down and laugh about silly stuff and recount all the outrageous things that happened back in school. i feel sad that that is now a closed chapter of my life, and that this period of time shared with this group of people has been subconsciously relegated to being fragments of the past as i go about mapping out my future. looking ahead, it is sad to think that the path ahead may or may not cross these people's as much as i would like, but i guess i can take comfort in precious memories of the past

Gee.. its early in the morning and i got nothing to do... stayed in for the past two days and it had been quite an experience... i mean its like taking me to the zoo for the first time and let my imagination and fantasy of the place run wild... i had expectations and my prerogative of imagination but some turned out to be boogy while others turned out to be something quite expected... but overall its like a 7 stars out of 10... but i wld think twice b4 staying in again... its like realli troublesome to get food and cumbersome to get all my stuff in... imagine dragging half ur closet to camp.. wonderful? i think not... but some might think of it as some make over of ur own wardrobe *disgusting will it be*...

okie den.. its like wednesday and its charrrrrmed day... its jux so exciting and anticipating to realli get to watch the serial... i am so addicted... anyway shall end my morning yawn here and cya soonz...

To all.. have a good morning and take care..

*Is giving up the little quirks and eccentricities in exchange for normality a good thing? Is it absolutely necessary to lose certain parts of ourselves in order to grow?* think abt it??

こんばんは
okie... went out with sf sc wk yk chan and boo... walking around jux enjoyin each other's company... people might regard this as something u would do if u hadn't got anything better to do... but i think otherwise... who cares wat other people think...

wat a good "who cares wat other people think" ... its something that i think i have semi-grasped it... was feelin a sense of pure and innocent happiness yesterday... i don't know how or why... but its like true la... i felt it... and it was like i am on wings... floating off the ground... levitating around... that pure essence of joy... INCREDIBLE!!! and i kinda broke away from the cacoon as a happier and a more colourful caterpillar??? yes indeed.. cos i know i haven't fully mature to a dazzling butterfyl... yupz... waiting for the time to arrive... and till den... i still am trying to grow...

PH!!! yes i realli need to get a hair cut... but i am sooo afraid that the barber will screw up my hairstlye and cause mayhem upon my silky top... and maybe tan myself up a bit... chocolate looks nice... hehe... i need the sun!!!


A thing of beauty is a joy forever;
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quie for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

ok... its lunch time and whew i had a filling lunch so relaxing a bit b4 working hard again... listening to canon in d by VBC (vienna boys choir)... absolutely soothing and serene... Hmmm still contemplating on taking a half day off tmr...

had lunch with boo plus reminiscing our sec sch days... feelin nostalgic... realli loved those days in sch... carefree and i juz miss them and everybody... like i can find so many pple to hang out with and everyone is under one roof... not even modern technology can beat that.

Trying real hard to conform to the resolutions i set.. *fingers crossed* and hope that i wont be regarded as an idiosyncratic numskull... prob wierd but it is worth a try... hmmm... feelin grateful to the com for providing me an avenue to express myself and my tots... ok... shall stop my whining here and for now... looking forward to charmed tonite and meeting up with friends... yupz!!

Ok... another day at work... feels kinda like some office job kinda thingy... office boy... hehe but i like it... i do have some sense of achievement... esp after photocopying like thousands of sheets of documents... hehe

feelin kinda moody today... i realli dont know but somehow, someway... i muz pull myself together... forget about everything... not literally EVERYTHING... as in things that i am clinging too much on... prob i am juz too sensitive... or izzit another phase in my life... the realli obnoxious NS life... its like i am kinda trapped in this cacoon... i know what i should and shouldn't do... i know the right and wrong way of life... but i am juz too confused and blinded by "things" (can't come up with a better substitution for this)... my "rampaging emotions" so-to-speak... haizz... and its hard for me to break away from all these jiggidies and metamorphasize... its kinda wierd that i kept telling myself to clear every unhappiness from myself and stay happy... but i realli get affected BIG TIME by things that happen around me... even nitty grittyies that i percieve as a priority. How dumb... but i made like that so i shall juz have to deal with it... yupz... its realli true though... was talking to ting and yupz... guess she was rite... i am still growing up and i shld take things in my stride , letting it pass by and go... learning lessons on the way.... Matters of the heart realli make or break u... learnt this lesson b4 and done it twice... or in fact a lot of times le... still fallin into the same trap... haiz... WAKE UP LE!!!!

Felt very sorrie for royston too... he got such a realli lousy vocation and posting... i mean although it is not mine or anything.. i could easily sit aside and laugh my head of his agony and shiong-ness... but i couldn't do that to a realli gd friend like him... i mean it is not a rule or some bonds that say i cant do that... but it is from deep down inside me that i realli empathize him and feel his agony and distraugh on his behalf... it is that BAD!.... emotions and hormones running amuck? i dont think so.. it is juz my nature... good luck chan! and hope all goes well for ya...

Whooo... had a realli busy day today at work... had to do up a place for some briefing. It wouldn't be that bad if there are more manpower and resources to go around... but everyone is being spread very thinly and resources are limited... haha sounds geographic... anyway after that met boo and went back together... haha.. its juz nice to have a realli good friend in camp... even though we're a road away... (literally)

oh ya.. and so sorrie to chan, yk, wk, sc, sf... pai seh can't join u all... went bowling and it was terrible... can't find the feel... and i injured myself... LOL... but its ok le... juz blisters...

In anycase... it was an emotional roller coaster for me today... at work and at the bus-stop... it was like tt ... saw 2 visually-handicapped people (it isn't realli appropriate and nice to address them as blin*) supporting each other while they walk towards their destination... den they stopped to ask passer-bys the location of the bus that they needed to take... somehow i realli feel the helplessness of these people... although much attention had been attached to them ( like the metals dots sprawling all over the floor in some orderly fashion and prob some coding?), it is still ungratifying to see helplessness in them... it realli makes me wonder how fortunate i am... but still i am bugged down by so many things... making a comparison btw them and me... i see that their only apparent worry... is that their handicap will hinder their daily routines and prob affect their life... it may seem major but it is a reasonable worry... for me... i would say that i have too many unduly worries that pesters me causing all these emotional "rock and roll"s... farny but true how human never get satisated... prob this wld cause my greatest downfall... oh wait.. i think it had already... haiz... but it doesn't seem to serve as a lesson learnt.. neither is it a history to rmb... alritey den... enuf of lamenting..

Hmmm... went to watch madagascar... cool and cute animated movie... very funny and relaxing... even though i had a splitting headache that day... realli loved the penguins... farny and cute... i think i am gonna get beanies of them... lol..alex is kinda cute too... but i think gloria ain't no gracious hippo... more like a busty bomb that would squeeze the daylights out of u if u ever piss her off... lol... oh ya.. the racoons (supposedly) are realli hilarious... and i realli love 'em...

hmmm become more of a movie junkie recently... but i like it... lol... but shld restrict it to only once a week... of twice la... dun too much if not it would be too taxing on my monetary account... haha... in any case is still very fun to watch movies with friends.. lol... yupz...

and friday... went back to NJ... nice feelin going back... attended interact club's AGM and got to meet fellow excos and seniors and juniors... realli missed them... and it realli felt great... realli great to juz mingle ard with them... thankx guys...

Have been going out these few days... and yupz... had fun of cos... watched star wars and i think it is quite star warsy.... lol... i mean is the normal star war kinda animations and scenario u wld expect and the plot isn't realli there... it is more of like an action-pack movie... yupz... and i think master yoda is so cute... small, cute... but deadly... haha... den after that went to play pool and bowling wit XQ LM aloy and boo... fun fun... den they came me house for contract bridge session which is by demand from LM... but is quite fun la... basically like dat lor... lol